Heartache

"Fuck off, Shantanu! Why do you always do this?"

"I never meant to hurt you. I am so sorry!"

"I want to have nothing to do with you ever. You're a bastard!"

"But I don't even know where things went wrong. Is it irreversible? Does it have to be like this?"

"Yes. Get out of my life, Shantanu. Please"

I could hear the pain in her voice. I wish I could stop the tears streaming down her beautiful face. I loved this girl like crazy. I just wanted things to be okay, I just wanted her to smile that million dollar smile I fell for three years back. But she was not going to smile, not at me at least. I have to accept that maybe things are not meant to be. I hated myself for letting it even get to such a turn. Time had been my slave and I took it for granted. Now I was paying a price, a price too heavy to recover from.

Love is something I could never understand. How could something so perfectly defined to bring infinite joy into our lives end up bringing unimaginable heartache and pain? It had felt so amazing to drown into the emotions of attraction, attachment and intimacy. Now, just lifting myself seemed like the most difficult thing. Beautiful moments crowded my moist eyes.

Walking across a busy street to a roadside nariyal paani waala. She loved drinking it and I loved watching her lips hold onto the cheapest straws in the world. Fifteen bucks so totally worth it. Dropping her home in the rain and watching her run back inside her porch only to stop halfway, turn around to look at me and blow a kiss. Smiling the smile which made my knees jelly weak. Sitting next to her in a shitty movie, watching her enjoy the hero doing something ridiculous and being unbelievably happy just because her perfume smelled so nice and her fingers enclosed mine perfectly. Taking walks endlessly, talking about nothing in particular and feeling very proud of myself for cracking jokes that made her laugh. I think she just laughed to make me feel good. Feeling like the luckiest guy in the world when we went out together and all eyes would be on the pretty girl who had her arm around mine. Feeling even luckier when we got back in the car and her tired head would rest on my shoulder as I drove back with the goofiest smile plastered on my face.

And now she stood there crying, pushing me away. I wanted so bad to turn things around. But sometimes, you don't get what you want. I definitely did not deserve her. She turned around and walked away. My mind clouded, my vision blurred and I fell to my knees. She did not stop half way, no smile no kiss. She disappeared. I felt a 50 kilo weight ram into my chest.

My heart was bleeding...